The Most Dangerous Dance
by Story Please
Summary: Severus has finally had enough. If Sirius Black won't stop attacking him regularly, he will simply have to challenge his bully to a duel. Of course, there are a few precautions that he will have to take...


Author's Note: Written with the following prompt in mind- _Take a character of your own choosing threatening another character of your choosing. Please show one or both characters engaging in a duel. Even if an opponent is using muggles means to attack, it will be allowed as long as there is dueling in it._

* * *

 **The Most Dangerous Dance**

Black would never see it coming.

The more Severus thought about it, the more he knew it was the only way to make Sirius Black lay off on him once and for all. The other three boys who called their pathetic band "the Marauders" (seriously, only they referred to their group as such. Everyone else just rolled their eyes) had all grown distant in their final year at Hogwarts. Their mischief-making seemed to largely be reserved for stupid Gryffindor parties.

Except for Sirius Black.

It seemed as though Black spent more time than ever ambushing Severus on the way out of the library, or hexing him when he was trying to do his business in the boy's loo. To his credit, Severus had learned long ago not to walk alone if he could absolutely help it, but he was taking a number of advanced classes and extra electives in his final year, and many of the classes were mostly Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs with a smattering of Gryffindors. In fact, in his Arithmancy class, Severus was the only Slytherin student.

Black, on the other hand, was scheduled for the bare minimum of classes, and spent the rest of his time up to nothing good. Unfortunately, his bouts of nothing good and Severus had a fair amount of overlap and Severus was tired of it. Tired of being set aside by the disgraced pure-blooded boy who had everything that Severus secretly wished he had— a family with wealth and status in the Wizarding World. A brother to share his childhood with so he wouldn't be alone. Black had thrown it all away, and for what? By the sound of it, he'd gone to live with Potter like the deadbeat leech he surely was.

And so, the next morning at breakfast, Severus strode up to the Gryffindor table, imagining himself to be as tall and imposing and proud as Lucius Malfoy, and stared down at his target.

"Oh, the big, scary Slytherin is here!" Sirius taunted as Peter scurried under the table and Lupin pulled his copy of the _Prophet_ up so that it covered his face. "What you gonna do to me, Snivellus? Drip grease on me?"

"Actually, no," Severus said coldly. "Here."

"Padfoot, wait—" James was too late.

Sirius had grabbed the square of charmed paper that Severus had handed to him. The paper smoked in his fist and Sirius' hair seemed to fly around his face in an invisible wind. When he opened his hand, an intricate rune sprawled across his palm. Severus held up his own hand to show an identical mark.

"A duel, eh Snivy? I didn't know you had it in you," Sirius replied, his voice breathy with excitement as he gripped the tablecloth in his fingers until they were practically fists. "I'm going to _enjoy_ this."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Remus said, dropping the paper as Sirius proudly stuck his hand in the newspaper wall that he'd erected. "You two know that if you don't duel in twenty-four hours, you'll both be in unspeakable pain unless you stay closer than twenty feet from one another, right?"

"Don't worry about your _friend_ ," Severus said with a sneer. "Tonight. Eight o'clock. By the docks. Bring a second."

With a flurry of robes, he was gone.

"Oi, Prongs," Sirius said, looking puzzled.

"Yeah, mate?" James replied, looking grim.

"A second _what_?"

* * *

Severus had thought for a long time before choosing his second—someone to stand in for him if he became incapacitated. In the end, though, he hadn't needed to ask.

"You're dueling him, aren't you?" Regulus Black stood behind Severus as he washed his hands. The mark on his palm did not so much as fade under the soap and water, but Severus had expected that.

"It's none of your concern," Severus said, even though it was probably more of Regulus' concern than anyone else at the school considering that Sirius was his older brother.

"It is too. I've told him to stop bullying us Slytherins," Regulus replied angrily. "Of course, in typical Sirius fashion, he sees every no as a challenge."

"Don't worry," Severus replied, showing Regulus the intricate shape on his palm. "The worst that will be hurt in his case is his pride."

"So it doesn't have a death clause built into it?" Regulus replied, squinting as he looked it over.

Severus snapped his hand shut. "That is why your brother needs to stop running headlong into fights and start thinking with his head. Perhaps he'll learn a lesson after this, but probably not. I merely wish to deter him from picking me as his designated target of attack."

"I will be your second." It was not a request. Regulus regarded Severus with a cool look, but Severus could see the smallest twitch of the younger boy's hand— the one that he normally held his wand with.

"I see," Severus replied, smirking slightly. "Very well. Who am I to deny you your own little revenge?"

* * *

"Wow, Snivellus, that's low, even for you." Sirius snarled as Severus appeared around the side of the boathouse with Regulus close behind him. "My own brother. I should have known."

"It's a good thing the moon isn't full for another few weeks, isn't it, Lupin?" Severus said, staring at Remus with a nasty look on his face, "otherwise you'd be a bit too out of sorts to be here."

"Leave him alone," Sirius growled back.

"I thought that was _my_ line, brother," Regulus said, glaring down at him. Sirius was tall, but Regulus was at least half a head taller, despite being two years younger.

"I know there isn't a death clause in the rune, Snape," Remus said, looking exasperated. "So please, tell us, exactly, what you hope to get out of this endeavor."

"Ever the miniature professor," Severus said pointedly, "Tell me, Lupin, do you think that you'll ever teach at Hogwarts when you have a penchant for eating your students for a week out of every month?"

"That's enough!" Sirius pulled out his wand and Remus had to dive to keep him from casting the first hex.

"Don't do it, Pads," he warned.

"Why not?" Sirius' eyes burned with fury.

"We must know the terms of the duel and conditions for winning before we begin. If we do not, we forfeit the right to know. It's a fool's errand to disregard decorum."

"Very good," Severus said sarcastically. "I'd give ten points to Gryffindor, but thank goodness I'm not a prefect or Head Boy for that matter. I wonder, how much do you think James Potter's family paid the Headmaster to get such a respectable title after being one of the biggest sources of woe for Filch for six years straight?"

"WHY YOU—!" Again, Sirius lunged and was only barely held back by Lupin.

"Terms, Snape!" Remus called out with barely restrained irritation as Sirius angrily shouted something unintelligible even though the meaning was rather clear from his tone of voice.

"Well, well, perhaps Lupin wasn't a completely terrible choice," Severus drawled with an irritated scowl. "Very well. The terms of this duel are as follows. Pain is far too pedestrian for a duel such as this. This duel is not to the pain, but instead, to the _humiliation_. Each duelist may tag-team in and out as desired, but you may not use any spell that permanently maims, disfigures, or otherwise dispatches your opponent. The duel ends when you either hold both of your opponents' wands or both are incapacitated in some way that does not allow for them to defend themselves. Now, then. Shall we begin?"

With that, both Severus and Sirius held up a marked hand with the palm facing up. "So shall I swear to these terms," they both intoned solemnly.

WIth a rushing sound like a great wind, a ripple of magic tore at the ground beneath them, ripping away the weeds and dirt until a long, smooth path had formed under their feet.

"A pretty bit of magic, Snape," Sirius growled as they stepped forward and met in the middle, wands held high, "but it isn't going to save the likes of you from what I have in store."

"Oh? Do tell," Severus said, giving Sirius another wicked smirk.

They turned and walked the alloted paces and abruptly turned.

" _Levicorpus_!" Sirius shouted, but Severus had already ducked down and shot off a spell of his own.

" _Mallardis Nozicus_!"

"That's not a—waaack!" Sirius shouted, his lips abruptly contorting into an enormous duck's bill.

"Who's got a beak now, Black?" Snape said with a sneer. Regulus sniggered loudly from behind him.

Sirius made a horrible squealing quacking sound as though trying to tell Severus off, but it only increased the humorous spectacle he was making. Then he turned quickly and let off a jagged slash of his wand. A ball of light burst from the tip before Severus could properly dodge it, and it hit him in the leg.

Instantly, it began to grow longer until it was nearly noodle-like and began to flop around as though his bones had been softened.

"You bastard," Severus swore darkly, casting another spell silently. Sirius was far too close to dodge, so he merely turned and took the spell on his shoulder. A giant boil began to grow so quickly that it ripped the shoulder of his robes and swelled until he began to look like a hunchback on one side.

"QUACK!" Sirius shouted, sticking out his hand. Lupin tagged it, and came in and silently shot off three quick spells.

Severus' noodle-foot stuck to the ground and he lunged forward, catching himself by grabbing his knee with his free hand. The hand stuck fast to the knee as well. Severus hit Remus with a gaseous hex, which obscured the poor werewolf, who coughed and sputtered, his more sensitive nose assaulted by the fumes.

"Tagging!" Regulus called out, bending down to tag Severus' leg. Severus groaned and pulled his foot free from the ground, stumbling off to the side.

Regulus cast a _Lumos Maxima_ just as Remus finished blowing away the gas with a _Ventus_ jinx and he cried out in pain as Regulus vaulted himself into the air with a levitation charm and then cast a Rosy Locks jinx on Remus' hair. Immediately, his soft, brown hair grew green and spiked, and intensely fragrant roses bloomed from the tips. Bees from the nearby flower bed sped over and Remus began to flail, which caused some of the bees to panic and sting him. As he ran out, Sirius tagged his hand.

"Quack? Quack!" Sirius yelled, pointing at his eyes and then pointing his fingers at Regulus.

"Bring it on, brother," Regulus replied. They moved in a blur. Severus watched move in the practiced way of two boys who had fought before. He'd finally been able to pull his hand free from his knee, and finally stood as tall as he could with his weakened leg, watching the two of them. He grabbed a stick off the ground and enlarged it into a makeshift crutch.

Regulus fell to the ground panting. Both he and Sirius were covered with all manner of growths, fuzzy-looking moss, and when Regulus opened his mouth to pant loudly, a forked tongue lolled out from between his lips. Sirius, on the other hand, was now sporting a giant black lion's mane, long earlobes that nearly dragged on the ground, and his fingernails had grown long and snarled until they practically wrapped around his wand.

With a final slash of his wand, Sirius enlarged one of Regulus' feet to an obscene size and Regulus was unable to do much more than drag it backwards with a grimace.

"Let me finish this," Severus said, tagging Regulus' hand.

With a twist of his wand, Severus tried a new spell on Sirius. Sirius didn't have time to dodge, and it hit him in the chest. Slowly but surely, he began to giggle and laugh until he was nearly falling over. By this time, Remus' hair had twisted all the way around the top half of his body, and his arms were lashed to his sides. His wand lay useless on the ground. Severus summoned it effortlessly.

"Cheater!" Remus shouted.

"The rules didn't specify that you had to be actively tagged in to get your wand," Severus said, pulling up a shield charm to deflect a blast of red light from Sirius.

Sirius was laughing uncontrollably now, his duckbill letting loose an embarrassingly high-pitched sound, but he was still letting off various spells at regular intervals and Severus cursed Sirius for having practiced so much with silent casting, even if it was merely for pranks. One finally hit Severus on his useless leg, and he flew up in the air.

"Quack, quack, quack!" Sirius said threateningly, coming close enough to Severus' face that Severus could smell the sour scent of his breath.

Just as he was about to cast something that was likely to be even more humiliating, Severus suddenly dropped from the sky onto Sirius. Sirius was so surprised that he didn't even try to get out of the way and they fell in a heap. When the dust finally cleared, they both saw Regulus holding Sirius' wand and smirking smugly.

"You lose, brother. _Finite Incantatem._ "

The spells slowly reversed themselves, leaving everyone a bit bruised but otherwise no worse for the wear. The image disappeared from Severus' palm, but not from Sirius.

"Fine. You beat me," Sirius groused. "What is your boon, Snape?"

"Leave me alone." Severus said, his voice even and sure.

"What?" Sirius' eyes were wide and he looked astonished.

"You heard me. Leave me alone. Stop hexing me. Stop saying horrible things about me. Stop acknowledging that I even exist."

"But you—"

"Maybe if you paid attention for one bleeding moment, you'd notice that I'm not keen on starting fights since it's usually _one_ against _four_ ," Severus said angrily. "So bugger off and leave me be. That is the boon that I demand."

Sirius seemed to look a bit lost for a moment but then he steeled his jaw and nodded. "Fine. So shall your boon be granted."

The image disappeared from Sirius' palm and he stood, pulling Remus up from where he sat on the dirt.

"Come on, Moony," Sirius said, "James'll be wondering where we are."

Severus and Regulus watched the other two walk back up the hill towards the castle.

"Thank you, Black," Severus said, "Now that he's gone, you know which one I'm referring to."

"He's not really as bad as you think, you know," Regulus said, somewhat sadly. "He's just stubborn and immature."

"It's not my job to deal with the consequences of your brother's immaturity," Severus replied with a sniff. "Now, then, just as I promised, I'll brew that potion for you."

"Really? Excellent. It's been a pleasure doing business, Snape." They shook hands and headed back to the castle, leaving the open spot in the dirt behind them as the only reminder of their duel.


End file.
